Recently, in my recurring search towards helping Indian parents of boys and girls living in the U.S., in matrimony, I located a boy living in Oregon and wrote to the boy's parents in Chennai suggesting an alliance with a girl who was also living in the same State and city. The girl's Father living in Hyderabad had earlier welcomed my initiative and suggested that I help his daughter too! I knew girl (to be married) was a very good looking gal, there was Nakshtra Porutham between the boy and the girl and they were both not of the same Gotram; I suspected the boy and the girl to be of the same age (since I was not privy to the boy's date of birth)! There were all the makings in the proposed alliance of an introduction between the boy and the girl, to take it to the next stage! The girl was on a H1B visa transitioning to Green Card, unable to relocate to another city and State from Oregon until she got her GC which could take another 6-7 years if not longer and so was the case with the boy boy!
Bang came the reply from the boy's Mother, which in effect said: We are Vadama Iyers, they are not! (the girl's parents were actually Madhwas). That the girl was about the same age as the boy And they wanted a three year age difference between the boy and the girl! And the whole prelude to introduction of the boy and girl was aborted without further consideration and adieu! by the Boy's Parents!
I wrote back to the boy's mother with my explanations and reasoning behind making this initial proposal towards matrimony! Please read on:
Thank you very much for your email response. I appreciate your reply.
Your second point first! I had suspected that the boy and the girl would be of the same age (since I did not know your son's date of birth) but I have known of instances where Parents do make exceptions even if the girl is older than the boy by a few months -- even up to one year! in the interest of moving forward with the marriage! So I submitted this alliance for your consideration!
First point second, I had also known that you are Vadama Iyers and they are Madhwas but here again, many families in the U.S. that I know of, are seeking alliances between boys and girls born in the broad general category of "South Indian Brahmins" Boys/Girls; hence I proceeded to submit the alliance for your consideration.
A third point that warranted my consideration of submittal of this alliance to you was that there was Nakshthra Porutham between the boy and the girl and there was no Gotram conflict between the boy and the girl!
I would like to additionally submit following information for your kind consideration:
(a) boys and girls living in the U.S. are locked into their jobs with H1B visas; several of them are transitioning from H1B into Green Card Status -- which can take up to next 10 years, if not longer, to get the Green Card, depending on when one's application was filed! Applicants who filed their Petitions for GC conversion within the last year year or two, can take up to 10-12 years before they actually get their Green Cards into their hands! i.e., if the immigration rules do not change!
(b) They (boys and girls) are unable to leave their jobs and move to another city and State with the marriage because the job situation is very tight. due to down turn in economy we are witnessing in the U.S. following the financial collapse in October 2008! I This makes it twice as hard for boys and girls to leave ones' jobs and relocate with the marriage to another city and State, so most boys and girls (marriageable age) are stuck in their own cities and States and they will have to do so for another 8-10-12 years until they get their GCs, that is, of course, if they continue to have their jobs!
(c) If, in the process of relocation, after their wedding, to another city and State to join their spouse, should one lose his/job and don't find another one within 30 days and are unemployed for over 30 days, they face the prospect of violating the U.S. immigration laws and have to leave the country or convert their H1B visa into a H4 (dependent visa) -- so it is tough situation for boys and girls; this explains why one of the spouse cannot simply relocate to another city and State after the wedding! It should have been a lot easier for these hard working boys and girls, but unfortunately, the Immigration Laws simply don't help H1B visa holders; and the employers (MNCs) are very happy over this situation, because they have these employees over the barrel in holding onto their jobs! They are getting a very good quality, highly educated, well qualified, very dependable, slugging 70-80 hours a week, many of them under paid labor force, contributing to social security taxes to the U.S. Treasury, that many of them may never claim, continuing in their jobs without interruption to their employers, working in a very critical environment, very loyally, year after year after year! And the MNCs love this situation and the workforce! Where else are they going to get it from?!!
(d) With the economic situation being as it is, many boys who are going to India to get married, are returning empty handed; the girls from India simply do not want to come to the U.S. with a marriage option, as a dependent of H1B into a H4 classification and simply "sit on bench" in their homes in the U.S. upon arrival! This is another reason why many girls from India are shedding U.S. employed boys in any category, H1B, GC (they cannot come here of course for another 25 years) and Citizens (it takes 1-2 years for the spouses to join their partner over here). Since educated SW girls are making INR 50-100K (if not more) every month in India and India is prospering economically, they are just not interested to come to the U.S. with a marriage option!
In the mean time, parents in India of boys and girls, living in the U.S. go through an agonizing hope against hope of getting their sons and daughters married, somehow! This hope may be an unrealized dream for many in their life time!
I do, however, sincerely respect you feelings about your wanting your son get married to a Vadama Boy but I would encourage you to strongly consider the situation facing your son in regard to Matrimony! This is not an advice I am doling out but a very serious situation parents like you face in your matrimonial search! Unless, of course, it is the intent of your son to return to India any time soon!
Good luck in your endeavors,
V. Srinivasan
3614 Columbia Blvd
U.S.A
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